On Saturday I went to the first gig I’ve been to since Download last year (after which I announced to anyone who cared that I’d be going to more gigs, then proceeded not to for over a year). It was incredible.

I’m not sure where to start in explaining how I found myself at this gig so I’ll just go through the events of the evening. I’d never been to the Islington Assembly Hall before, but it was easy enough to find from the tube station. I saw my people queuing outside. It was a mixed crowd of tattooed metalheads and alternative music enthusiasts (you can tell by the beards and the obscure band t-shirts). I fit into the latter group, and my obscure band t-shirt of choice was Firewalk, the fictional band from Life is Strange: Before the Storm. My favourite obscure band is so obscure they don’t even exist. I’m still waiting for my medal. The crowd covered most ages and all genders with a strong non-binary/trans contingent. It was the kind of crowd I feel at home in, although at 43 years old I still suffer from crippling social awkwardness meaning I won’t talk to anyone, but I’ll enjoy being in the same room.

The first band were called Ashenspire. I’m really bad at describing music so I’m not going to try. They reminded me of The Pop Group, if that means anything to anyone.

They had a saxophone player. They were incredible. Check them out:

Music | Ashenspire (bandcamp.com)

The second band were called KEN Mode.

They also had a saxophone player, and were also incredible. Check them out, too:

Music | KEN mode (bandcamp.com)

Then it was Lingua Ignota. This was who I had come to see. I’d missed the last UK Lingua Ignota show and had regretted it ever since. A couple of years ago, Lingua Ignota helped me write my first novel(la). That book was very silly and the music of Lingua Ignota is the opposite of silly, but I think I’m inspired by creativity more than anything else and the fact that I hadn’t heard anything like it before pushed me forward. Lingua Ignota is one woman, Kristin Hayter, and she performs onstage surrounded by four lights. Between songs, she moves the lights. It was one of the most visually engaging stage shows I’ve ever seen.

At one point, during the song MAN IS LIKE A SPRING FLOWER, she picked up one of the lights and walked out into the audience. She sung the lyric, “The heart of man is unbearable to hold,” over and over again as she walked between us. She walked right up to me, looked me in the eye as she passed, and I felt tears well up. I wasn’t the only one.

I’m not sure why. I cry at a lot of things these days. When I went to Download, I was so happy to be experiencing live music again I cried many times. This was different, though. You should listen for yourself, see what it does.

Music | LINGUA IGNOTA (bandcamp.com)

I felt a great many feelings that night and I’ve been listening to the album SINNER GET READY every free moment since, partly in an attempt to recapture what I felt during the show and partly to understand it. All that really matters is that I felt something. That’s what art’s for, isn’t it?